Saturday, November 24, 2012

Rap-Themed Video Games That Should Exist

I’m a big fan of listening to rap music and playing video games. Luckily, there have been a few games where you can enjoy a good Biggie or Tupac tune, such as DJ Hero and Def Jam Rapstar. But that’s not enough! We need more rap-themed video games to keep our booty shaking as we shoot and blow stuff up.

In my fantasy world, the following rap-themed games would exist to fulfill my love/obsession of the two hobbies:

Jay Z’s Left 4 Dead Presidents

Valve Corporation releases the dopest version of the first person zombie shooter game yet. In this Left 4 Dead spinoff, the four immune survivors of a deadly virus outbreak – Jay Z, the veteran hip hop star; Rihanna, his student; Kanye, a college dropout, and Chris Brown, a recently paroled felon – must survive in a recording studio that has been overrun with infected and resurrected dead white presidents.

Their weapons include pistols, machine guns, Molotov cocktails made from Jay’s own D’ussé cognac and hash pipe bombs. 

Looks like Jay and the gang have 43 problems (sans Barack), and George W. is one.

Snooper Mario Brothers

Nintendo partners with rapper Snoop Dogg to give a west coast spin to the popular game. Snoop takes on the coveted lead role as Mario, an African-American Comcast installer who must travel to the ‘Shroom Kingdom to rescue Lil Princess Kim from the grips of Baller Bowser. Accompanying him is his younger brother Luigi, a washed up former basketball player.

Traveling through ‘Shroom Kingdom they must collect special objects to help them survive. Smoke a blunt and they grow to double their size. Find a blazin’ fire flower and they gain a Gloc pistol that shoots enemies dead. Get a star, become invincible and defeat the evil Koopa Troopasses on contact. Collect enough floating dollar bills and receive an extra life (and a visit to the strip club). 

Call of Booty 

The next title in Activision’s Call of Duty franchise. In this first-person shooter game, rappers search for the perfect big booty diva for their next video. You can choose to be any of the following booty-obsessed players: ”Ms. Phat Booty” Mos Def, “Shake Ya Ass” Mystikal, “Back that Ass Up” Juvenile or, in expert mode, “Baby Got Back” Sir Mix-A-Lot. Complete three levels or urban mayhem and win big booty divas Nicki Minja, Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Lopez for your video.

(I originally wrote this for The Rap Insider).

Grand Theft Auto-Tune

Rockstar Games gets a rap star for its newest addition to the Grand Theft Auto franchise. T-Pain straps into the driver’s seat as he races through his hometown of Tallahassee, Florida, searching for the thug who stole his auto-tune recording equipment. Possible suspects are Lil Wayne, Kanye West and the Black Eyed Peas.

TuPac Man

With Tupac’s bald head resembling that of the original Pac Man, it was a no brainer for Namco to release this modern-day take on the popular arcade game. In the game, TuPac Man must go through a maze, devouring ganja pellets. If he swallows any of the larger bags of ganja pellets located in the corners of the maze, he can easily eat his ghostly enemies - blue Biggie, pink Puffy, orange Nas and red Dr. Dre.

Weezy the Hedgehog

Lil Wayne takes the lead in this tricked out version of the 1991 Sega game Sonic the Hedgehog. On his skateboard, Weezy the Hedgehog must race through six zones full of slopes and loops to prevent the evil rap overlord Doctor Ivo Rick Rossnik from taking over South Central Island. If he can collect 100 rings of bling, he gets an extra life. Fail to protect the island and he becomes Rossnik’s evening snack – a hedgehog hamburger.

Chris Brown’s Punch- Out!!

Chris Brown replaces Mike Tyson in this updated version of the popular 1987 Nintendo game. ‘Nuff said.

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